Anyway, I wanted to tell you a tale about a rooster. This beautiful, black and white striped rooster who "cock-a-doodle-dos" every morning, every night...heck, any second he can! He's stunning and gorgeous (especially to his hens). He parades around the farm keeping an eye on his flock...making sure they are well-fed and not harmed. He is a spectacular creature to watch...
Really?! Not any more! Mind you, he stands about 2 1/2 feet high (I'm just guessing, people), but it does seem like he looks Logan in the eye. They (we somehow have 2 roosters!) have attacked the children, but never in my presence. Well, I made the mistake of encountering one of these roosters.
Logan and I were walking side-by-side on our way to see his dad on the mower.
The rooster was in our path.
We made eye contact.
He straightened his neck, cock-a-doodle-do-ed and gave me an evil eye. It was like a stand-off in one of those old western movies only I didn't have a gun.
I could sense his aggression.
He only waited momentarily and charged.
He was going to peck holes in me like Swiss cheese.
He could sense that I despised chickens.
He came running at me.
I ran towards Matt screaming at the top of my lungs.
Logan ran with his little legs as fast as he could.
I grabbed Logan and ran onto the lawn mower in order to escape the wrath of the rooster.
I had no idea if he would stop so I kept yelling "Get the rooster. Get the rooster!!"
Mind you, Matt just laughed at the sight of his wife running and screaming in hysteria. Did he not see the anger in the rooster's eyes? How he was going to peck me to death? Who cares if he only stands a couple feet tall, weighs only a pound or two, and doesn't possess any arms? Not me. I knew this thing was/is a savage beast. I continued to panic as I could sense the rooster getting closer. Matt stood up to protect his family. (More like he fell off of the tractor...oh, wait! lawn mower...laughing hysterically, which startled the bird!) The rooster crowed in obedience to his "master" and returned to his flock.
Seriously, why does this beast obey him and not me? I just don't get it! :) Maybe...just maybe...he's heard me singing Zac Brown Band's song...Sic 'Em on a Chicken.
Maybe he doesn't obey you because you run away from him... Stand up for yourself, Lianna.
ReplyDeleteKICK HIM LIKE A FOOTBALL! Seriously. Punt his ass back into submission. Kayla got flogged for the first time this week. To be fair, she was chasing after his 'harem' and harassing them, but still. Then I went up to him and he gave me the "stink eye" and was going to charge me. Well, after 4-5 charges by him, and 4-5 drop kicks by me and one whack with a tree branch, he finally backed down and went about his business...defeated. You have to teach him who's boss!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I was beginning to think that I was the only woman in the world who was actually afraid of the chickens she was raising. (I found you on the finding the funny list.)
ReplyDeleteChickens are frightening, especially the roosters...although I'm still trying to convince my husband of this. I'll make sure to point out that there are other people (or at least one) that are afraid of those fearless birds! =)
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