Lawn Mowing | Leave It To The Professionals

Up until recently, I thought that mowing the lawn was a simple task.  Turn on the mower and go.  Straight lines that showcase the lawn's beauty was a no-brainer.  Just follow the path and viola ...a perfectly landscaped yard similar to the above picture.

Well, that may be the case for everyone except ME!  Note to self:  Leave it to the professionals.

See whoever mowed that lawn actually knew what they were doing...and I. DO. NOT.

Let me explain...

The weather has been a tad bit "off" this summer.   No rain for three months means dead, crunchy, brittle grass since June.  Welcome late-August, and the rain hit like every spectator during the Super Bowl was showcasing their rain dance moves.  Hence, the lawn mower has been brought back among the living.

Thanks to my very observant eye, it became aware to me that our lawn was in need of a trim.  I thought I'd be a loving wife and tend to the yard all by myself.  Okay, it's not a yard when you live out here where the cows wonder free.  More like a small section of "the plains", but you get the point.  I thought "Self, this should be an easy task.  Mowing the lawn is something you've done your whole life."

Note:  Do not try this at home for mowing the lawn may prove to be a bit...difficult.

So I ventured outdoors to unleash the mower.  I climbed into the seat, gazed at the knobs while thinking "I can SO do this", and tried to start the engine.  Well, it didn't start on the first attempt, but believe it or not, I wiggle a few buttons here and there, and the motor started running!  Woot.  WOOT!

Then, I looked down at my feet and noticed there weren't any pedals or any sort of brake.  Okay, so how do I make this thing move, and most importantly, stop?  I spotted a contraption that resembled an Atari game controller.  Flashbacks to the days of Centipede were running threw my head.  I grew up in the era of video games...I've SO got this!

As I drove away, I was as proud as a child who just lost their first tooth.  Off I zoomed thinking "Man, my husband is going to be so thankful!"

Well, that thought lasted all of two seconds as my life flashed before my eyes!

I felt like I was on a wild roller coaster that was never given the "all clear" by the roller coaster approval people.  Or maybe on some random episode of "Punk'd".  I kept looking for Ashton Kutcher to run out from behind our barn and yell "You've just been punked!"  Sadly, no one was there to save me from the wretched beast.  And I'm sure if someone were there to witness this disastrous incident, I would've been seen across the web thanks to camera phones and YouTube.

Somehow, I managed to cut a pattern into our yard that included everything but a straight line.  I zipped and zoomed in every possible direction like a cat who had just inhaled the lovely aromas of catnip.  I felt as if I might be launched into the air high above the clouds thanks to this uncontrollable contraption.  Pretty darn certain that staying on a wild bronco would've been a doable task in comparison.

And who wanted a yard full of trees and other mowing obstacles?  And who keeps planting 596 trees every spring?  This mad woman needs to stop!  Who cares about a beautiful scenery when your faced with a life or death situation?  Trying to mow around a tree is next to impossible seeing how I almost lost an eye due in part to straggly branch and my inability to make the insane mower move in a circular direction.

Zero-turn mower...I think not.

Maybe this operator should enroll in a lawn mowing course the next time she ventures to help with outdoor maintenance.  Yeah, I'm pretty certain aliens will be touching down in our backyard thanks to the crop circles that seemed to form in our now not-so-meticulous lawn.

It's not a pretty sight, y'all.

As for my husband being thankful about my escapade, you'll have to ask him about that.

*Disclaimer: I'd LOVE to show you a picture of my failed accomplishment, but alas, I'm too doggone ashamed.  I so thought mowing the lawn was an simple task.  The joke was on me.

Lost And Found...

*I'll let you decide which child is "swimming'!
I couldn't find a picture of the "new swim trunks" since they were... NEW!

LOST - A NEW pair of Logan's swim trucks.  They managed to hitch a ride to town on the back of Matt's truck only to be hurled into the wind never to be seen again. 

FOUND -  Five new baby chicks ... Easter Eggers, at that!  Yep,  I pulled on my big-girl country-girl pants and bought five new chicks all by myself!  Pretty certain the earth rumbled during that moment.  Sorry for the tremors!

LOST - Some important hardware to our 'lawn mower'.  Just doing routine maintenance in order to keep everything working, but somehow lost a much-needed bolt while gallivanting around the countryside. 

FOUND - A Bolt to replace the missing one on the lawn mower.  Yes, it was found at a local hardware store and not in our yard.

LOST - An important piece to our pond pump.  While trying to repair the much needed pump, the connector piece came up missing.  Certain I had lost my mind, I gave up searching.  Logan kept saying it was in daddy's truck...so we disassembled and resembled the truck looking for the missing piece.  No luck! 

FOUND - The missing piece to said pond pump.  After much deliberation and rummaging through every trash can, I decided the connector piece was forever gone....although it crossed my mind that maybe it never really existed!  As I opened my car door so I could head off to town in order to replace the pond pump, I found the said missing piece.  Yep, it was sitting on the driver's seat.  Guess Logan meant it was in MY car not daddy's!

LOST - MY SANITY!  At this point, it may never return!

FOUND - Three really cute Easter eggs made out of embroidery floss and glue.  Such a great project even though there was a bit of a panic when the glue mixture somehow managed to cover the clothing of a certain 8-yr. old!

LOST - One really adorable yellow Easter egg.  An egg made of embroidery floss was no match for a busy, spunky toddler!

FOUND - A minute to write this post in order to share our latest adventures with you!  Three Kids + Warm Weather = One Crazy, Running-In-Every-Direction Mama!

*Disclaimer:  If you find a pair of swim trunks along the side of the road, don't be alarmed.  Drying clothes on a truck's tailgate is the new way of going "green!"

When Not To DIY...

Our little two-year old is a handy-man in training.  Let me tell ya that I'm EXTREMELY ecstatic about this!  I can't wait until he's old enough to start working on the house.  My very own...FREE..handy-man!  

Sure, this goes against child labor laws, but if he wants to fix our plumbing or put in a new door, who am I to stop him?  So what if he's only two?!  (Sarcasm, people.  Sarcasm!  He must be five before he can use a hammer.)

So this morning when I told Logan that the laundry sink was broke, what does he do?  Without skipping a beat, he grabs his little tool box, reaches for his hammer and screwdriver, and works diligently on the plumbing.  After a few minutes, he puts everything away and looks at me with thoughtful eyes and says "All fixed, mommy.  No broke!"

Awesome!

Here's why I'm really excited.  See, I shouldn't be allowed to do any DIY projects.  No joke!  Let me give just one instance...for there are many!

(If you dare, click on "Read More" for the full story.  Warning:  Not for those who make smart decisions.)

We Just Don't Mix...

I wanted to share with you why paint and I are like oil and water!  We do NOT mix...and I'm so not exaggerating this time! =)

Let me begin by telling you about my recent adventure.  While the boys were asleep the other morning, I thought I would tackle the toy room.  Ya know, finally finish painting the room so it will encourage the kids to keep their toys put away.  (Wishful thinking, I know!)  As I painted, the house seemed quiet and peaceful.  Anytime this occurs (which isn't very often), I get a little worried!  I have just cause, in case you were wondering.

See, I knew something would happen.  Logan woke and I heard him say "BAD doggie!"  That's not good.  As I walked into the dining room, I saw a glass chalk marker in Logan's hand.  Ya know, the kind you use to decorate car windows or big windows in your house like this...

I wasn't too worried until I saw the end of the marker chewed up by...yes...the dog!  Of course, he somehow got a hold of the RED marker...chewed it leaving RED paint all over my carpet!  The paint, in turn, got all over Logan's pjs since he picked up the marker to examine the dog's good deed!  I was upset at first, then laughed!  Let me tell you why...

(This is a LONG story so if you want to read about my paint diaster, please click on the "read more" button below!  I wouldn't want to bore anyone by having such a lengthy post...oh, too bad...it was quite the event!)

Now You're In The Know...

1)  I turned on my camera in order to find a pretty picture for the blog, and this is what I found instead...

Oh, that girl!  There's always a surprise around every corner!

2)  I went to the store to pick up my pictures that I had printed.  The lady behind the counter asked me if I had copyright permission to print the pictures.  She wanted some sort of proof that I had the rights to the pictures.

I was a bit confused and said I took them myself.

She was like...uhhh, ohhh! We thought you stole them!

I laughed and told her thanks for the compliment! =)

3)  When we decided to take the plunge and move to Crazyville Farms, we inherited this beautiful koi pond complete with a cascading waterfall and live fish!   I know...just another thing destined to parish! It's been a challenge trying to keep Logan from swimming with the "doggies!" (Despite the constant "No, they're FISH," he still refers to them as "doggies.") 

So I was feeling bad for the fish since I knew there were leaves floating in the bottom of the pond.  It was extremely cold out, but I wanted to give them the best chance of survival seeing how decomposing leaves and ice aren't a good recipe for fish during the winter.  So here I was doing my good deed for the day week year...cleaning out the pond while the temperature was barely above freezing.  And guess what happens...

I fell completely into the pond! 

I was soaked!  My shoes were holding at least a gallon of water.  And not to mention, I was frozen... solid!  Really! All this time we were worried that Logan would fall into the watery abyss, but no...it was ME! 

4)  Levi's in the rolling over phase. Ya know...

OH, LOOK MOMMY!  LOOK WHAT I CAN DO ALL BY MYSELF! I CAN DO A REALLY COOL TRICK! ISN'T IT AMAZING?!

Followed by...

WHAT EVIL PERSON PUT ME ON MY BELLY?! I CAN'T MOVE! I CAN'T BREATHE! I'M STUCK!  I'M GOING INTO FULL PANIC MODE!  DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!  WOMAN...HELP ME NOW!

All of five seconds pass, and I return him to his back...only to repeat the said process over and over again for the next 24 hours! Silly boy!

5) I've been meaning to mention that you may want to bookmark this page or you can even "join" the blog by clicking "Join This Site", which is found on the right side of this blog.  That is, if you're an avid reader and can't live a moment without knowing what's going on around here!  For you might be sadden if you can't find our blog anymore! 

Yep, I had that problem.  See, I read certain blogs every morning.  And before I joined sites and/or bookmarked pages, I made the mistake of cleaning my computer.  Got up the next morning, and was all like...WHERE ARE MY BLOGS?!  I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY WENT!  WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT MY DAILY GOSSIP!  I CAN'T FUNCTION!  It was a sad day, but then I learned to bookmark! 

But really, I know some of you link to the blog from Facebook, and, though, I don't foresee any future problems, you just never know when the links will stop showing up in your FB feeds.  So if you really want to, you can add crazyvillefarms.blogspot.com to your favorites (or join the site) and check back every once and awhile. I'm trying to keep it updated on a regular basis.  And I'd hate for you to miss out on anything! =)

At It Again...

I must showcase another one of my genius moments...

Let me start with the fact that I was up late last night watching Transformers: Dark Side Of The Moon...great movie by the way!  I highly recommend it, and I'm typically a romantic comedy type of girl.  I was getting all flustered worrying about the well-being of Bumblebee and Optimus Prime...sad, I know!  My point is that I had little sleep since I had this wonderful idea to start a 2 1/2 hour movie at 10:00 last night.  Then, I followed this great idea by drinking a Mountain Dew...I typically don't drink pop, but I didn't want to fall asleep.  So my excuse for what you're about to hear (or read, rather) is that I didn't get enough sleep!

As the story goes...

I got up this morning and started breakfast.  Every Saturday morning, I make the kids cinnamon rolls.  However, this is not a story about how I messed up yet another recipe.  Oh, no!  I turned on the oven to preheat and walked out of the kitchen. Mind you, I was quite tired and barely had my eyes open...and no, this isn't a story about how I sleep with my eyes open or how I sleep walk (Oh, Logan has inherited this WONDERFUL trait, too!  I'm sure my college roommates are ecstatic to learn that one of my off-spring will freak out many friends and family at some point in his life!  That's another story!)

Anyway, I walked back to the kitchen only to smell the all-familiar smell...

something was BURNING! 

Yep, this odor is often present in our house whenever I step into the kitchen. =)  I think to myself...how could something be burning?  I'm JUST preheating the oven.  I know there isn't anything in there for I make it a point to NEVER put anything in the oven unless it's supposed to be cooking.  I've heard many stories about fires arising from stuff being shoved in the oven in order to quickly clean a house before company arrives.  See, I use our kitchen island cabinet for that!  Oops, now you know yet another secret of mine! =)

So I look at the stove only to see an abundance of smoke followed by small flames.  What happened you might ask?  Well, only in MY kitchen could things like this occur.  For in my daze, instead of preheating the oven, I turned on one of the stove top burners.  And for some unknown reason, there was a hot pad sitting smack dab in the middle of the burner.  Oh, yes!  The hot pad was smoldering and flames were flickering!

I thought when I pulled the hot pad off the burner the flames would stop. 

Nope... 

I thought when I carried the hot pad through the house and into another room to show off my successful morning that the flames would stop. 

Nope...

I thought that throwing the hot pad outside in the snow would cause the flames to stop. 

Nope...

Finally, I thought to run the hot pad under water.  It took a minute, but the flames stopped!

Mind you, Matt was quite perturbed at me for hauling the burning hot pad into his man room.  See, the house was now filled with smoke and smelled oh so nicely!  =)  Merisa enjoyed the odor for it reminded her of camping.  Me, not so much! 

Here's the infamous hot pad...guess I'll be looking for a new one!

FYI:  Hot pads keep things from burning your hands, but that doesn't prevent them from burning when exposed to extreme heat! =)

So now you know how great of a relationship cooking and I have! =)  There are MANY more stories that involve cooking and fires that I could share, but I'll choose to avoid that for now.  Lesson to be learned is get more sleep!  Okay, maybe, just maybe, it had nothing to do with lack of sleep and more to do with my great conquest to burn the impossible! =)

Sic 'Em on a Chicken...

So if you have a farm background, please ignore my stupidity and irrational urge to be over-dramatic!  Okay, my husband may say that it's not really an "urge"...more like a reality...seeing how I act upon it every chance I get.  I can't help it, seriously!

Anyway, I wanted to tell you a tale about a rooster.  This beautiful, black and white striped rooster who "cock-a-doodle-dos" every morning, every night...heck, any second he can!  He's stunning and gorgeous (especially to his hens).  He parades around the farm keeping an eye on his flock...making sure they are well-fed and not harmed.  He is a spectacular creature to watch...

Really?!  Not any more!  Mind you, he stands about 2 1/2 feet high (I'm just guessing, people), but it does seem like he looks Logan in the eye.  They (we somehow have 2 roosters!) have attacked the children, but never in my presence.  Well, I made the mistake of encountering one of these roosters. 

Logan and I were walking side-by-side on our way to see his dad on the mower. 

The rooster was in our path. 

We made eye contact. 

He straightened his neck, cock-a-doodle-do-ed and gave me an evil eye.  It was like a stand-off in one of those old western movies only I didn't have a gun.  

I could sense his aggression. 

He only waited momentarily and charged. 

He was going to peck holes in me like Swiss cheese. 

He could sense that I despised chickens. 

He came running at me. 

I ran towards Matt screaming at the top of my lungs. 

 Logan ran with his little legs as fast as he could. 

I grabbed Logan and ran onto the lawn mower in order to escape the wrath of the rooster. 

 I had no idea if he would stop so I kept yelling "Get the rooster.  Get the rooster!!"

Mind you, Matt just laughed at the sight of his wife running and screaming in hysteria.  Did he not see the anger in the rooster's eyes? How he was going to peck me to death?  Who cares if he only stands a couple feet tall, weighs only a pound or two, and doesn't possess any arms?  Not me.  I knew this thing was/is a savage beast.   I continued to panic as I could sense the rooster getting closer.  Matt stood up to protect his family. (More like he fell off of the tractor...oh, wait! lawn mower...laughing hysterically, which startled the bird!)  The rooster crowed in obedience to his "master" and returned to his flock. 


Seriously, why does this beast obey him and not me?  I just don't get it! :)  Maybe...just maybe...he's heard me singing Zac Brown Band's song...Sic 'Em on a Chicken.